Category Archives: Conflict Resolution

Drunken Date Rape – TMZ Thinks it’s Funny?

Image by:© Ctacik | Dreamstime.com – Alcoholic Photo

It was an attention getting conversation for sure. The staff of TMZ (a profane television show) was discussing what kind of alcoholic drinks the ladies on the show ask for when out with a guy.

One of the ladies confided that she just tells her date to “surprise me,” a response that was met with some rather interesting raucous laughter and snide remarks.

The general consensus from the men on the show, and apparently from some of the women as well, was that she should expect to wake up somewhere with her date with no memory of what had happened  – but of course, a lot had happened. Continue reading Drunken Date Rape – TMZ Thinks it’s Funny?

Suggested Personal Goals for 2014

Looking for happiness or a clean slate for this year? To do that, we present our suggested personal goals that will challenge you to grow to achieve the health and success you desire. This year, you can become the person you really want to be. 
Here are some of my goals for this year to help me grow this year.

1. Don’t set expectations for others.

Expectations of the people around you and idolization of celebrities and role models is a sure way to disappoint yourself. Everyone is human and might not be on the path you’ve laid out for them. They have their own path. Don’t build obstacles for them.

Healing The Hurts of Life

Doctor, Doctor, give me the news.

Welcome to sick season. Flu, strep, bronchitis, allergies, they’re all here! There’s 2 ways we could get sick: #1 We’re doing something wrong, like eating the wrong foods, not exercising, running into inanimate objects (shout out to my sister), etc. or #2 We’re being affected by that things we might not be able to control, like germs being passed to us, allergies irritating our sinuses, wonderful genetics given to us by our lovely parents, etc. Either way, we see the symptoms, and if we don’t already know a remedy, we consult a doctor. The doctor tells us not just what’s going wrong but WHY it’s going wrong. The doctor specializes in healing the hurts of life – at least physically. He looks at the symptoms and figures out the cause. Sometimes he doesn’t always know exactly what’s going wrong, but has a ballpark guess. Sometimes it takes tests and research and study to figure out what the problem is.

Something about that system is very comforting. To know that if you don’t have the answer, there is a specialist who can help you not only suspend your symptoms, but cure the cause. What an underrated and incredible experience it is to be healthy! But if you ignore the symptoms, a simple problem can turn into something very serious. No doctor can help us in healing the hurts of life if we don’t share our hurts with him. Or I’m sure you know someone who has a problem that the doctors are clueless about. They have no idea what the cause is, and in extreme cases, they might not even be able to treat the symptoms effectively. In those cases, especially with young children, we, as a group of humanity, bind together in extreme loyalty and support to help each other emotionally and sometimes financially to help with the physical.

My Boyfriend Sold Me…Deadly Dating Part I

Sold into slavery for sex
There is an old-fashioned way of avoiding abuse in dating relationships – ready to go “Old School?”

“…I met this guy who I thought was my boyfriend…I was convinced he was my boyfriend,” relates Chong Kim. “…We were living in Dallas, Texas, and he told me about after two or three weeks of us dating, and he said to me, ‘I want to take you out of state to go meet my parents.’ And my girlfriend said that if a guy says that to you that he likes you, so there was no ‘be careful’ – none of that. I was real excited.”

Chong’s story is the focus of the award winning movie Eden – and as you might suspect from the way she is telling the story, things are about to get ugly – real ugly. Continue reading My Boyfriend Sold Me…Deadly Dating Part I

BFFTW: Best Friends for Two Weeks

loyalty count for true best friends
God made us to walk with each other as a support system – Use it. Make loyalty a top priority.

I was listening to a radio station the other day, and they were talking about a study on teenagers’ friendships. The study asked teenagers to list their four best friends. Two weeks later, they would ask the same question, and this continued for a few months. They found that regularly, after only two weeks, the teenager’s best friends were completely different. Sometimes the teenager would revert back to old friends, but they were constantly changing. Change is normal and is good, but changing so rapidly is highly unstable. This type of change makes trust harder and loyalty non-existent. When trust and loyalty are gone, fear builds and motivates, while anger and unresolved issues linger.

“Kids are changing their best friends every two weeks… They’re more concerned about the quantity of friends instead of the quality… They’re more concerned about 400 Facebook friends instead of lifelong friends.” Continue reading BFFTW: Best Friends for Two Weeks

“We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve.”

Love We Think We DeservePete and Annie were best friends all through school. Annie thought Pete was the greatest thing. Pete thought Annie was great too, but he didn’t think she was the image of who he was supposed to be with. So they always stayed just friends, helping each other through middle school and high school, problems with friends, classmates, and love interests. Pete grew a little jealous as he started to see others find her positive qualities, and flirted and paid more attention to her. Annie flirted and led other guys on, loving the way she could tell Pete was interested, but Pete still wavered, bouncing from girl to girl, always coming back to Annie in between new flings with random girls. Annie was on a roller coaster, excited in possibilities but hurt in the shadow of a new girl. Pete, wounded by a new rejection or liberated from the chains from the latest ended relationship, went to Annie seeking support or in excitement.  After years, finally Annie, exhausted by the constant ups and downs,  had his full attention, with no other girls on the radar. They grew closer and were about to start dating, when, unfortunately, a new girl came on the scene. Pete dropped Annie faster than he ever had before, and Annie finally saw Pete for who he truly was. He was a guy seeking validation from others, not a true and deep relationship. He based his self worth on the girl he had on his arm, not the care and support that relationships can offer. This hardened Annie’s heart. She gave up on Pete and looked down on him for his continuous choices, thinking she was better than he.  She closed up, refusing to have any feelings positive feelings towards him at all, even as a friend. She gave up on Pete, thinking there was no good in him, only selfishness. Continue reading “We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve.”

The Relational Impact of Porn

http://www.dreamstime.com/-image16963581Pornography is now commonplace. It has become surprisingly accepted in our society. The question is, is it a harmless distraction as its proponents claim, or is there a reason to be concerned about the impact of pornography?

Recently a 13 year old girl fell to her death in London. Her young boyfriend, having seen some pretty wild sex on the internet, pressured her to perform what he had seen and secretly filmed her. When she found out about the video, she begged him to delete the video, threatening to jump out of a window if he did not. She slipped as she demonstratively leaned out the window and did fall to her death. 13 years old and pressured to perform something from internet pornography?  ( See full story here )

The relational impact of porn is not restricted to the dating years. In working with married couples in trouble I have heard of more than one instance in which the husband was so overstimulated by the wild images of sex on the internet that he could no longer get excited enough around a real person to actually have sex with his wife!

Obviously, pornography has a seriously bad impact on relationships. Continue reading The Relational Impact of Porn