Many of you have already read the post on social media regarding the 25 year old “Ms. Pretty” who was seeking a rich husband, and the response by the CEO of J.P. Morgan.
Although a lot of people apparently enjoyed the banker putting the young lady “in her place,” but I was saddened by the whole affair. I would like to offer a more compassionate response.
Ms. Pretty is a Product of Our Society
Think about it. We live in a society where appearance is supreme. Our media continually parades women in front of our eyes wearing very little clothing and most of those on parade are stunningly pretty. A young person, such as Ms. Pretty, was raised in this meat market type of environment – and while her request for a husband who makes at least $500,000 a year in exchange for her good looks and the use of her body might seem a bit cold and calculating – in truth it is not. Continue reading To the Pretty Girl Seeking Rich Husband – A Compassionate Response→
It’s pretty common – you see a guy and a gal together quite a bit and in a moment with the guy you ask the obvious question, “So, is that your girlfriend?” To which he replies, “Um, no, we’re just talking.”
Strangely, if you ask the girl the same question, she’ll likely reply “Well, I don’t know what’s going on.” If you press her, she may even tell you how he calls her a lot, spends a lot of time talking, and even invites her to do things with him (that seem to her like dates), but she just doesn’t know where she stands. You may even see a few tears as she talks about him. Continue reading We’re Just Talking – Is That Okay?→
Looking for happiness or a clean slate for this year? To do that, we present our suggested personal goals that will challenge you to grow to achieve the health and success you desire. This year, you can become the person you really want to be.
Here are some of my goals for this year to help me grow this year.
1. Don’t set expectations for others.
Expectations of the people around you and idolization of celebrities and role models is a sure way to disappoint yourself. Everyone is human and might not be on the path you’ve laid out for them. They have their own path. Don’t build obstacles for them.
In Part 1 of this discussion we saw that the idea of finding the one certainly works well for Hollywood movies and romance novels – but it is based on a fantasy view of life. It also tends to be based on a selfish motive – obviously a poor way to get into a long-term love relationship. Couples who buy into this idea and get together based upon the emotions and strong feelings of the moment tend to end up disillusioned – those romantically glorious breathless moments are just that; moments. They will not last. Those indescribable internal stirrings are insufficient to sustain a long-term love relationship. Continue reading Is He or She the One? Part 2→
I can hear the shouts already, “Do not judge Miley!” This is the common cry of our age – the only thing wrong is to say something is wrong.
But do we really believe it? And is it really a principal that we can live by – this not judging idea?
In Part 1 of this series, we discovered from comments by her agent and a friend, plus a little discernment, that the real message of Miley twerking is about growing up – and using sexuality to get what you want. It is a form of prostitution – using your body sexually to achieve some level of success. Continue reading Miley Twerked – Do Not Judge Miley? Part 2→
Pete and Annie were best friends all through school. Annie thought Pete was the greatest thing. Pete thought Annie was great too, but he didn’t think she was the image of who he was supposed to be with. So they always stayed just friends, helping each other through middle school and high school, problems with friends, classmates, and love interests. Pete grew a little jealous as he started to see others find her positive qualities, and flirted and paid more attention to her. Annie flirted and led other guys on, loving the way she could tell Pete was interested, but Pete still wavered, bouncing from girl to girl, always coming back to Annie in between new flings with random girls. Annie was on a roller coaster, excited in possibilities but hurt in the shadow of a new girl. Pete, wounded by a new rejection or liberated from the chains from the latest ended relationship, went to Annie seeking support or in excitement. After years, finally Annie, exhausted by the constant ups and downs, had his full attention, with no other girls on the radar. They grew closer and were about to start dating, when, unfortunately, a new girl came on the scene. Pete dropped Annie faster than he ever had before, and Annie finally saw Pete for who he truly was. He was a guy seeking validation from others, not a true and deep relationship. He based his self worth on the girl he had on his arm, not the care and support that relationships can offer. This hardened Annie’s heart. She gave up on Pete and looked down on him for his continuous choices, thinking she was better than he. She closed up, refusing to have any feelings positive feelings towards him at all, even as a friend. She gave up on Pete, thinking there was no good in him, only selfishness. Continue reading “We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve.”→
The romantic man – idolized in the film genre known as chick flicks.
I have a confession to make – I am a man and I watch chick flicks. Please don’t tell my manly guy friends.
Here’s the deal. I have a wonderful wife whom I just adore. I also have 3 daughters that I also love and they enjoy watching romantic movies. Over the years I have come to appreciate the film genre known as “chick flicks.”
As a romantically minded man who is involved in helping relationships thrive I watch these movies; but not just for the enjoyment of the film itself. I analyze them. As one definition describes this type of film, they mainly “deal with love and romance and are primarily targeted to a female audience.” That is exactly why I watch them; they have been a huge money maker for movie producers because they appeal strongly to something in the heart of the typical lady. So as I watch these romantic plots unfold, I try to discern exactly what it is about the romantic man in the stories that women find so appealing. As my wife and daughter sit beside me with dreamy tear-filled eyes, I am taking notes.
Pornography is now commonplace. It has become surprisingly accepted in our society. The question is, is it a harmless distraction as its proponents claim, or is there a reason to be concerned about the impact of pornography?
Recently a 13 year old girl fell to her death in London. Her young boyfriend, having seen some pretty wild sex on the internet, pressured her to perform what he had seen and secretly filmed her. When she found out about the video, she begged him to delete the video, threatening to jump out of a window if he did not. She slipped as she demonstratively leaned out the window and did fall to her death. 13 years old and pressured to perform something from internet pornography? ( See full story here )
The relational impact of porn is not restricted to the dating years. In working with married couples in trouble I have heard of more than one instance in which the husband was so overstimulated by the wild images of sex on the internet that he could no longer get excited enough around a real person to actually have sex with his wife!
At what age should I date? If you are young and want to date, your answer would probably be “at my age!” But to be absolutely honest with you, your answer will likely change once you get past age 20 or so and you learn a little more about the opposite sex and the nature of relationships than you do now.
I was talking with a beautiful young married couple recently. The husband talked about how his parents, while not expressly forbidding dating when he was a teenager, did not encourage them to date at all. The wife’s parents, on the other hand, encouraged her to date even when she was relatively young.
Looking back on her experience, with what the wife understands now about maturity and sexuality, her comment was, “What in the world were my parents thinking?”
Did she object at the time to being encouraged to date while young? Of course not! It looks fun, it provides a sense of romantic adventure and besides, a lot of her friends were doing it.