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Chances are you know of someone who met a really unbelievable person while dating – and fell heads-over-heels in “love” very quickly. The relationship was red-hot from the get-go. But soon it turned alarmingly scary.
Chances are, the unbelievable special someone was a sociopath.
What is a Sociopath?
In brief, a sociopath feels no true empathy – empathy being the capacity for caring for the feelings and well-being of others. They tend to be master manipulators to get what they want from those around them – because for the sociopath, life is about them only.
The problem is, a sociopath uses people and they have no moral conscience – which means they will not feel remorse for using you for their own selfish purposes. So while you may think that everyone else is like you in not wanting to hurt anyone else, the sociopath counts on you having that moral nature. They will do what it takes to get you into a relationship with them, and then use your sense of guilt about not hurting them to keep you in their power.
How to Discover the Sociopath – Easily
Today’s dating scene is ideal for the triumph of the sociopath. With easy and normal expectations of sexual intimacy after only a few dates – the sociopath exceeds expectations.
For the guy, the female sociopath is often described as a “dream come true.” She wants sex, she wants it now, and she will do anything the guy wants. She seems to find the date she is with (her victim, actually) the most irresistible and desirable man on the planet. She is adept at meeting his greatest fantasies.
Yet the whole time, she is simply playing him to gain control. The whole experience for her is a simple plan to achieve thrills – with the ultimate thrill being that of exercising absolute control over someone through the giving and withholding of emotional and physical affection.
For a lady dating the male sociopath, she needs to be aware that he has probably done his homework. He will excel at meeting her emotional needs, listening, and pulling all the right romantic moves. He may appear to have ridden right out of the sunset on a white horse to whisk her away in a relationship that seems to good to be true. He will be hard to say no to when it comes to sex – I mean he is just so perfect, no sane lady would dare lose him!
But a truly sane lady, or gentleman, will hopefully have the maturity to realize – that the dream girl or the man too good to be true is likely a deception in progress. The unbelievable nature of someone who is just unbelievably amazing should result in your unbelief – believe me!
Unfortunately, if you enter into a relationship with a sociopath without some very high standards for dating – as well as some accountability – you have probably gone past the point of preventing harm. Sociopaths take failure poorly, and since they lack empathy, they may try to hurt you if you call them on their behavior.
So what to do? Start with some very high standards for dating.
Some Suggested High Standards
For our regular readers at Love University – you’ve already done what I am going to recommend. Do the Smart Dating course. But if you want a summary (quick look) at how to avoid dating a sociopath, just click on this link which will take you to final lesson.
The big point is this; the American way of dating pretty much assumes that sex will be part of the equation – and that it will happen fairly quickly. As we mention in the lesson on What Happens During Sex, the chemicals that flood the brain during sex cause a chemical bonding process that is sometimes referred to as “sexual imprinting”. This strong force of attachment makes it very difficult to see how dangerous your sociopathic “unbelievable date” truly is.
It usually plays out like this. All the friends and families of the “victim” of a sociopath are telling that person to break off the relationship. The one who will be hurt the most, however, is caught in the strong emotional bond that occurs when two people have sex. They are hooked, and much like a fisherman would do to his supper, the sociopath partner will reel them in – to their death. The sociopath has used the beneficial aspect of sex (to create a strong bond to aid the permanent relationship of marriage) to ensnare and blind the now loyal victim.
I’ve said it all along on this blog, and I get a lot of hateful feedback because of it – but dating is serious business, and a failure to have some high standards about sex as well as being accountable during the process can lead to some serious long-term harm.
Save the sex until after the marriage ceremony. If you think cohabiting (“shacking up”) is just as good, click here to get the stats. It’s difficult to wait to be sexually intimate in a porn saturated world – but it is worth the wait.
Otherwise, the sociopath awaits you…