My Boyfriend Sold Me…Deadly Dating Part I

Sold into slavery for sex
There is an old-fashioned way of avoiding abuse in dating relationships – ready to go “Old School?”

“…I met this guy who I thought was my boyfriend…I was convinced he was my boyfriend,” relates Chong Kim. “…We were living in Dallas, Texas, and he told me about after two or three weeks of us dating, and he said to me, ‘I want to take you out of state to go meet my parents.’ And my girlfriend said that if a guy says that to you that he likes you, so there was no ‘be careful’ – none of that. I was real excited.”

Chong’s story is the focus of the award winning movie Eden – and as you might suspect from the way she is telling the story, things are about to get ugly – real ugly.

Chong continues, “I call it the Cinderella syndrome, where we write our names with their last names and future kid’s names. But what happened was instead of ending up in Florida where he said he was going to take me, I ended up in Oklahoma handcuffed to a doorknob in an abandoned house, and from that point on, he contacted the [sexual] traffickers to come pick me up. So I was transported to Nevada.”

What followed was two grueling years of torture before she could escape. She served as a human slave – and it all started in a typical American Way of Dating (AWD) scenario.

Cruel Exploitation of a Deep Human Need

What happened to Chong Kim (her story is told fully in the book Not in My Town: Exposing and Ending Human Trafficking and Modern Day Slavery, available in the LU Bookstore) demonstrates the depraved moral low to which our society has slouched.

Each of us is created in the image of the Holy God – and He made you and I to be relational. He crafted us to be in intimate and meaningful relationships. The vast majority of us crave the companionship and warmth of boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship – with hopes that it will be forever.

In Chong’s case, someone who understood this need and had analyzed how young ladies think – set her up for a life of humiliating and dehumanizing cruelty – all for the sake of money. It is hard to imagine someone could be so heartless and un-human – but they are out there folks.

In our society that glamorizes and promotes pornography as free speech, we don’t often hear about the victims of our over-sexualized culture. But the evidence is clear – pornography is directly related to the increase in sexual violence. Chuck Norris details this connection in his article Porn’s Part in Sex Trafficking at WND.com.  Interestingly, pornography is also a corrupt exploitation of a human need – our Creator created us to appreciate and find pleasure in the appearance and experience of the human form of the opposite sex – but when this good desire is corrupted we pay a very high price.

Do not be deceived – pornography is very damaging to who we are as human beings. We must oppose and even stigmatize its use. It is a substantial part of this human sex trafficking problem. If you are personally using porn at any level – seek to get yourself out of it immediately. Click here to access our Porn and Purity Recovery Course – It’s free.

Avoiding Exploitation – Old Fashion Solutions

You may have seen this old-fashioned solution in movies or read about it stories such as the Little House on the Prairie series. Up until the past 50 years or so it was considered normal that any dating between a boy and a girl would be supervised by the father of the girl. From the first moments of any perceived interest, the young man was expected to approach the father of his love interest and ask for permission – for any interaction at all.

If he wanted to write letters to her, he had to ask. If he wanted to call her on the phone, he must first ask (in person) the father. If he wanted to take her on a date – well there was some work to be done. Likely the fellow would first have to come and have a sit-down face-to-face meeting (interview) with dear old dad. It could be grueling – but dad would lay down the expectations of any dealings with his daughter. It was generally understood in those days, that if the girl came to any harm at all, that the young man would come to great harm himself! And that is as it should be!

You see guys, even the average guy has greater physical strength than even an athletic lady.That strength is not there to be abused – the One who created us expected us guys to sacrificially protect the ladies in our life. We men are to lay our lives down to defend the crowning glory of God’s creation – the woman.

The Creator designed woman to be uniquely and elegantly suited to comfort, motivate, and partner with a man throughout his life. She is the bearer of new life, and she makes a man’s life more bearable. Her body is enchanting to a man – and a wife’s body is supposed to be the husband’s own garden of comfort. The wonders of human sexuality are supposed to be a strong binding force that enable a couple to experience joy and permanence in their relationship. Human intimacy is a wondrous, beautiful, comforting, and life-giving gift – when used in the right context.

So any man who abuses women by using them in a selfish fashion – whether for just a temporary pleasure or for profit (as in sex-trafficking) is simply not a man. Any man who does not have the courage to approach the girl’s father (or other guardian in the girl’s life) is either a coward or a scoundrel – or both. Ladies, run away from any man who is not willing to be accountable in his treatment of you.

So here’s the solution to this Dangerous Dating dilemma: Ladies, in any dating, have someone in your life to whom the man you are seeing must report. If you do not have a father in your life, then find someone to serve in that capacity. If you do not have such a man, then this is why the One who made you founded something called church. In a good Bible-believing church there should be some godly couples who will be more than willing to be the loving parents you are lacking – to provide protection and guidance for you. Church is your Maker’s way of making sure you don’t “go it alone” in life.

Don’t do dating alone. Be accountable to someone. Guys, your role is that of protector, not exploiter. Ladies, you are precious in the sight of your Maker – immediately dump any man who does not appear to be mature, courageous, or manly enough to protect you. Follow the old ways, and if she does not have anyone to supervise the two of you – find someone who will keep both of you accountable. Then go the old school route – ask permission to write, talk to, or even text (or snap-chat) this lady! Don’t be a coward – be accountable. There are strong passions involved in any romantic relationship – and in our porn-culture most of us have some pretty bizarre sexual expectations.

One More Father…

For both ladies and men – as a former atheist I must encourage you to seriously consider the one Father who will watch over you for all of eternity. Much of the suffering we see in our society today is just an outgrowth of the amoral view of the world that atheism/humanism naturally espouse. When they claim their is “no such thing as absolute truth,” they are throwing away the value of every human life – because after all, you are nothing more than a cosmic accident. So if someone manipulates your emotions and sells you into slavery for profit, it is simply survival of the fittest – Darwinian living at its most conclusive.

For Part 2 of this series – click here to read Avoid Dating Sociopaths

 

If you know someone who is engaged in trafficking or who has been enslaved, see the Polaris Project website for help, or to learn more about this modern day sex slavery problem.

Make sure you consider bringing one more Father into your life if you haven’t already – He cares for you…

Question: In what way have you seen pornography affect people around you or the way you are treated? 

 

 

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