(Image by © Piotr Marcinski | Dreamstime.com)
Many of you have already read the post on social media regarding the 25 year old “Ms. Pretty” who was seeking a rich husband, and the response by the CEO of J.P. Morgan.
Although a lot of people apparently enjoyed the banker putting the young lady “in her place,” but I was saddened by the whole affair. I would like to offer a more compassionate response.
Ms. Pretty is a Product of Our Society
Think about it. We live in a society where appearance is supreme. Our media continually parades women in front of our eyes wearing very little clothing and most of those on parade are stunningly pretty. A young person, such as Ms. Pretty, was raised in this meat market type of environment – and while her request for a husband who makes at least $500,000 a year in exchange for her good looks and the use of her body might seem a bit cold and calculating – in truth it is not.
Her request is the logical fruit of what our society values in a woman -appearance and sex. The young lady is physically attractive. She fits right into the parade of women she has seen all of her life. According to the current American view of the value of a woman, she has it all – and so now she is wondering how to get what should be hers since she can offer what everyone seems to want.
And for those who understand the psyche of women in general – her request is actually a very significant one from an emotional standpoint – she is seeking security.
Women need security because of their unique and essential role in society. They are the givers and nurturers of life. It is in this area of being the life givers, that of having children, that women become most vulnerable. Let’s face it, this role of women is something that men are not capable of doing. Without the life-giving attribute of womanhood, society dies. Giving birth is something women do that is beyond our ability to place value on. But giving birth requires sacrifice and puts the lady in a precarious situation.
Physically a pregnant woman, as she gets larger, can not run fast or defend herself very well. She is more prone to being harmed. She needs someone to protect her as she lovingly nurtures our future within her.
Financially, having children usually requires a sacrifice of her career success – and that is a beautiful thing. Children are precious (the Bible lets us know they are a gift from our maker) and raising them lovingly requires a lot of time and dedication. A large number of women choose to put their career on the back burner and make their children’s well-being a higher priority. So having security in the form of a husband who will stick by her and provide for them financially is vital – without a reliable partner, women are very likely to become destitute in this process.
In fact, the surest path to poverty for a woman with children is divorce – with a third of divorced women with children living beneath the poverty level. This is why the marriage covenant is so vital, and why women need to make sure they marry a real man – one who considers the needs of others above his own and will keep his word (especially his wedding vows) no matter what.
Now some of you may be objecting to this point, but if you are thinking that living together in a cohabiting relationship is just as good as marriage, click here. Cohabitation has been studied and its effects are profoundly bad for all involved, but especially women and children.
The truth is this – before a woman lets a man into her body for physical intimacy, she needs to carefully ensure that he is a real man. A real man is the one who will provide, love, and fiercely protect the woman he is involved with – no matter what. She needs to know, and this is at the root of Ms. Pretty’s request, that she can trust her man to take good care of her for the rest of her life. $500,000 a year or more will not give you that. Only a man of integrity can provide that kind of security.
Unfortunately our misguided lady has mistaken what constitutes security, and so here is my advice to her on her questions.
Ms. Pretty, Don’t Sell Yourself Short…
- You are more beautiful than you appear. – This is actually a truth that answers your question about why the wives of so many successful men look so “average” to you. It’s because the true value of a woman has nothing to do with her outward appearance. You have extreme value because you are created in the image of God – and He gave you, as a woman, a very unique place in the world. You are likely going to be some good man’s (I hope) best friend and lover in life. The very thought of you will bring him warm feelings of belonging and longing. When he has a bad day, he will find himself lost to his troubles when you wrap yourself around him when he gets home. You will be the one who, hopefully, will bring precious children into the world, enriching the life you share with your man. The banker was right – your beauty is likely to fade over time – the physical beauty that is. But a real man will keep his vow of love to you regardless – and in his eyes you will grow in beauty every year – simply because of who you really are. You may see the wives of successful men as only being average in appearance, but I can tell you that this successful man sees his wife as a woman with beauty beyond compare. There is more to every woman, including you, than meets the eye.
- Here is where the rich bachelors hang out. – Brace yourself for a shock – they hang out with God. Don’t go to bars, health clubs, or cocktail parties to meet some uber-wealthy stud. Seek a man who is accountable to someone other than himself, and who loves the One who gave him life more than anything. You saw the response of the banker – he sees a potential relationship with you in terms of return. A true follower of Jesus the Christ sees his relationship with you in terms of keeping a covenant – a solemn agreement with God Himself to keep his word. A true Christian (and there are many fakes out there) will understand that your value is “above rubies” (to use a biblical phrase) as a precious daughter of the Creator – and he will consider it his sacred duty to stick by you. Such a man, one who knows who he is and to Whom he belongs, is truly wealthy. And you will find yourself sharing in that wealth of true “agape” love – a love that pursues the best interest of another (you) regardless of how he feels, or how you respond. Yes, marry a rich man, but don’t worry about someone who has a lot of money – that kind of wealth, like beauty, is only temporary. You are eternal. Look for someone who is spiritually rich.
- Become the right person – you’re not there yet. – I mean this with all the loving concern I can muster – but you are asking a question about why someone isn’t loving you yet and providing that security in their love that you crave. So here’s an opinion – I would rate you as “technically pretty” and “infinitely valuable,” but not marriage ready, yet. You have been programmed by the world you grew up in to see your beauty and sexuality as something to be bartered for what your heart desires. You need to see things differently. Don’t settle for being a shallow and technically pretty object. You are so much more than that! The process of becoming “marriage worthy,” or the “right” person – could take a little while. I’m still working on it after 28 years of marriage! We grow throughout our lives, but I would recommend that you take some time and seriously strive to become someone who could love and be loved in a permanent relationship. Click this link for some serious instruction on becoming the right person, and click here for some information on how to find the right person.
- Enter the ultimate loving relationship. – This is controversial for some, but as a former evolution-believing atheistic humanist I just have to say it – you need the relationship that will not fail, just in case all else fails. There are a lot of pathetic ideas in the world about how we came to be, and what it all means (evolution being the one that recommends “survival of the fittest,” that fits well with the banker’s ideas of your “depreciating assets,” how cold and brutal that statement was!), but click here to start the journey into the only enduring relationship.
Ms. Pretty, I pray that the One who loves you more than you can imagine will make Himself known to you, and that you will see how much you are truly worth. You have sold yourself short. May the desires for the security of love that aches in your heart be met – and be met in a beautiful way…