“College is the time when everyone experiences those things such as sex and fun and pleasure. In those years I’ve had to rot in loneliness, it’s not fair.” (Day of Retribution, Elliot Rodger, Video)
The nation may have been shocked by the killings, but the thoughts Elliot Rodger expressed in video are mainstream. The views he held are held and even taught by many – that college is the time when we start using others to experience pleasure for ourselves. Sex is nothing more than a basic physiological need and it is no big deal to hook up with someone sexually to get that need met.
We here at Love University take a lot of heat for disagreeing with people like the Santa Barbara shooter and the secular sex education crowd. Let’s take a look at some of his claims, and think critically about how his views on sex and relationships helped lead to the tragedy.
College is the time [for] sex and fun and pleasure…
Well, I thought the purpose of college was to learn job skills and further the development of the mind. Silly me.
Well, that’s what I went there for. My fiancé and I were dating and engaged for the first two years, and then we were married for the last two. We did experience some wonderful ” sex, love, and pleasure” once we were married – and 29 years later we are still married (and still enjoying the journey).
But that wasn’t the purpose of college – through my education I was able to get the credentials I needed to become a military pilot and through a career in aviation, I have provided for my lovely bride and our family. College certainly enables me to provide for a wife and family. But there is nothing about college that would make having sex randomly with attractive women the right thing to do. That might satisfy a short time want but in the long run it is foolish. Looking at another precious person as merely a provider of something I need at that moment is immoral. People are not products to be used.
I did not go, nor did my fiancé/wife, to college to experience sex and fun and pleasure. I certainly hoped to experience those blessings in my life, but there is nothing about college that would or should make that happen. Sex is far too important a component of a healthy married relationship to be reduced to the status of just everyday fun. See this link to better understand exactly why sex is not something to be engaged in outside of marriage.
In summary, in order to be properly equipped to handle the demands of life and have a good relationship – college may be one path you can take to get ready. But be clear about why you are going. It isn’t to have “sex and fun and pleasure.”
“I’ve been forced to endure…”
Rodgers stated, “I’ve been forced to endure an existence of loneliness, rejection…’. This is a critical statement, for it shows something very dangerous about him, but once again, it is an attitude that is very commonly held by many. Do you hold this attitude?
“I’ve been forced…” is a strange comment. This attitude is one of blame, that his loneliness was the fault of others. It is called an “external locus of control.” People with an external locus of control see every bad thing in their life as being the fault of someone else.
Elliot sees his loneliness as being the byproduct of the very attractive girls being mean and refusing to have any thing to do with him. In particular, he wanted them to let him into their bodies for his pleasure, and apparently when he talked to the ladies this selfish desire must have come through – so they were naturally repulsed, scared, or just plain creeped out.
With an external locus of control, Elliot could not consider the possibility that the reason he was being rejected was his selfish approach to women along with the lack of care for the dignity of the ladies in question. He could only see them as being unfair in their withholding of their “services” to him. It was all the woman’s fault. It was never his.
Starting in the 1960’s a trend of liberated thinking started which focused less on our social interdependence and care for others and more on personal fulfillment.
Rodger’s attitude is a very common outgrowth of that thinking: I want what I want and if I don’t get it it is someone else’s fault. And so, when he went on his killing spree, it wasn’t cold-blooded murder. It was retribution. The women on campus hadn’t given him the pleasure that was supposed to be his, so he paid them back.
It was punishment for the harm they had done to him. As he stated in his video manifesto, “I don’t know why you aren’t attracted to me but I will punish you all for it.”
Studies have consistently shown that the happiest and most socially intelligent people are those with an internal locus of control. Had Elliot acquired this characteristic, when the ladies turned him down, he would have grown from the knowledge that his approach and motives were bad. He could have changed his ways, and eventually discovered how to have a truly intimate and satisfying relationship – something called marriage.
Mental Problems and Accepted Ideas
It is obvious that Rodgers had some significant mental problems. The point is, though, that many of the ideas he expressed in justifying what he did are commonly held views.
Isn’t is commonly accepted that college is a time when you experience sex and pleasure?
Isn’t it common to blame people for your own failings?
Isn’t it common to laugh at someone who is 22 years old and “still a virgin, never even kissed a girl” as Elliot lamented in his video?
He took these ideas to an extreme, to be sure, but his ideas are generally accepted.
Ideas have consequences. Immoral ideas hurt people.
The Way it is Supposed to Be
The One who created us made us in His image. Our Creator is relational, and so are we. He gave us a special gift in sexuality. Sex between a husband and wife is a wonderful physical interaction to bond two people who have committed to loving one another for life – the byproduct of which is a greater strength ( a chemical bond, see this link) for making it through the tough times.
Guys, the good-looking ladies out there with their very fetching figures are not for your use. They are precious and priceless daughters of their Creator God. They were designed to be lovely, loving, and even luscious in the context of a trusting, caring, and lifelong relationship.
Ladies, the expectations in college are pretty high. You are supposed to be an active hottie, something of a pornographic priestess capable of rocking a guy’s world on the second date.
Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t ruin your chances of life-long relational happiness. Share your body in the way it was designed to be shared – you’ll be glad you did.
Do the Smart Dating Course
Love University’s Smart Dating Course is available in podcast and text format. It a great starting point for getting smart on sex and relationships. Do yourself a favor, stop going along with what is common and accepted. Take responsibility for your life. Seek wisdom, seek your Creator.