Have you ever been in the middle of a big group of people and felt all alone? Probably all of us have. Loneliness is not necessarily a matter of having someone around us – even happily married people sometimes drift apart emotionally and wind up sharing a bed together, yet feel desperately alone.
Kirsten Dunst, who my family thoroughly enjoyed in the earlier Spiderman movies as the glamorous “MJ,” the love interest of Peter Parker, has sparked an online furor over something some apparently see as controversial. In the United Kingdom edition of Harper’s Bazaar, Ms. Dunst said: Continue reading Is Kirsten Dunst Right? A Woman Should be a Woman?→
Chances are you know of someone who met a really unbelievable person while dating – and fell heads-over-heels in “love” very quickly. The relationship was red-hot from the get-go. But soon it turned alarmingly scary.
Chances are, the unbelievable special someone was a sociopath.
What is a Sociopath?
In brief, a sociopath feels no true empathy – empathy being the capacity for caring for the feelings and well-being of others. They tend to be master manipulators to get what they want from those around them – because for the sociopath, life is about them only. Continue reading Avoid Dating Sociopaths – Deadly Dating Part 2→
In Part 1 of this discussion we saw that the idea of finding the one certainly works well for Hollywood movies and romance novels – but it is based on a fantasy view of life. It also tends to be based on a selfish motive – obviously a poor way to get into a long-term love relationship. Couples who buy into this idea and get together based upon the emotions and strong feelings of the moment tend to end up disillusioned – those romantically glorious breathless moments are just that; moments. They will not last. Those indescribable internal stirrings are insufficient to sustain a long-term love relationship. Continue reading Is He or She the One? Part 2→
The idea of finding the one is all around us. It seems to be somewhat more strongly held by the ladies, but so many men and women have bought into this idea of the one.
The one is the belief that somewhere out there there is this special person with whom you will be happy. This person is so aptly suited to you that they will meet all your needs and ensure your future happiness.
Pete and Annie were best friends all through school. Annie thought Pete was the greatest thing. Pete thought Annie was great too, but he didn’t think she was the image of who he was supposed to be with. So they always stayed just friends, helping each other through middle school and high school, problems with friends, classmates, and love interests. Pete grew a little jealous as he started to see others find her positive qualities, and flirted and paid more attention to her. Annie flirted and led other guys on, loving the way she could tell Pete was interested, but Pete still wavered, bouncing from girl to girl, always coming back to Annie in between new flings with random girls. Annie was on a roller coaster, excited in possibilities but hurt in the shadow of a new girl. Pete, wounded by a new rejection or liberated from the chains from the latest ended relationship, went to Annie seeking support or in excitement. After years, finally Annie, exhausted by the constant ups and downs, had his full attention, with no other girls on the radar. They grew closer and were about to start dating, when, unfortunately, a new girl came on the scene. Pete dropped Annie faster than he ever had before, and Annie finally saw Pete for who he truly was. He was a guy seeking validation from others, not a true and deep relationship. He based his self worth on the girl he had on his arm, not the care and support that relationships can offer. This hardened Annie’s heart. She gave up on Pete and looked down on him for his continuous choices, thinking she was better than he. She closed up, refusing to have any feelings positive feelings towards him at all, even as a friend. She gave up on Pete, thinking there was no good in him, only selfishness. Continue reading “We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve.”→
Sexual compatibility is nearly an unchallenged concept. It sort of makes sense – sex is a big part of our lives. Before we get too serious about someone, shouldn’t we make sure we are sexually compatible? What if we were to get married and only then find out that things are kind of dull or awkward in the sack?
Sexual Compatibility is the idea that if you are meant to be with someone, then the sex will pretty much be awesome from the very first time. Where did this idea come from? Certainly not from reality!
The media of our culture has handed us the concept that good sex is a product that we shop for. You test someone out and they are either good at sex with you or not. In other words, a guy might meet a gal whom he finds very attractive and sweet. They have long talks and enjoy each other’s company immensely. But of course, although she seems really great – the question lingers in his mind; are they sexually compatible. So he pushes her on a date in a private location, and this sweet young gal is just kind of unspectacular in the back seat. She doesn’t seem to enjoy the experience, and is hesitant to engage him again on a future date. Game over. Continue reading Sexual Compatibility – Take a Test Drive? Part I→
Have you been to the doctor for a procedure? Do you appreciate the way they will describe what you are about to go through? They might say something along the lines of, “You are going to feel some pretty uncomfortable pressure, and then a pin prick – then the pressure should become more bearable.”
I’ve always appreciated that – it gives me a target to shoot for in my endurance of the pain. Awareness of what is happening can really help. So here are some awareness issues that should help you deal with the feeling of love. Continue reading Handling the Feeling of Love, Part 2→
The feeling of love? We’ve all been there at some point in our lives; you meet someone who for some reason just sort of makes your heart and whole life feel like its spinning. You find your thoughts dwelling continually on this person and the desire to be with them is incredibly strong. This feeling of love is commonly understood to be falling in love – but is it? Is this feeling meaningful toward who we should be with? Or is it cause for caution?
A Shocking Confession…
In teaching the Smart Dating course to some young friends that I know well, they are taken aback when I tell them that I have had this feeling of love as a married man! They know me well, they know the kind of intense and devoted relationship I have with my wife of 27 years. But there have been times when I have met some lady who I found to be very attractive, to the point of feeling that strong whoosh of intense emotion in their presence; I ask my friends, “What is a married man to do with that? What does it mean?” Continue reading Handling the Feeling of Love, Part 1→