Chances are you know of someone who met a really unbelievable person while dating – and fell heads-over-heels in “love” very quickly. The relationship was red-hot from the get-go. But soon it turned alarmingly scary.
Chances are, the unbelievable special someone was a sociopath.
What is a Sociopath?
In brief, a sociopath feels no true empathy – empathy being the capacity for caring for the feelings and well-being of others. They tend to be master manipulators to get what they want from those around them – because for the sociopath, life is about them only. Continue reading Avoid Dating Sociopaths – Deadly Dating Part 2→
The book Jane Eyre has as a central theme a scary mystery. Once the leading character, Jane, meets a man (Rochester) who finally seems to truly care for her – she finds that there is some darkly mysterious and dreadful serious problem which he is hiding in his house. She perceives there is someone there besides her who is involved with this man. And this someone seems terrifying. Continue reading Too Physical Too Soon? The Dangers of Sex in Dating→
In Part 1 of this discussion we saw that the idea of finding the one certainly works well for Hollywood movies and romance novels – but it is based on a fantasy view of life. It also tends to be based on a selfish motive – obviously a poor way to get into a long-term love relationship. Couples who buy into this idea and get together based upon the emotions and strong feelings of the moment tend to end up disillusioned – those romantically glorious breathless moments are just that; moments. They will not last. Those indescribable internal stirrings are insufficient to sustain a long-term love relationship. Continue reading Is He or She the One? Part 2→
Sexual compatibility is nearly an unchallenged concept. It sort of makes sense – sex is a big part of our lives. Before we get too serious about someone, shouldn’t we make sure we are sexually compatible? What if we were to get married and only then find out that things are kind of dull or awkward in the sack?
Sexual Compatibility is the idea that if you are meant to be with someone, then the sex will pretty much be awesome from the very first time. Where did this idea come from? Certainly not from reality!
The media of our culture has handed us the concept that good sex is a product that we shop for. You test someone out and they are either good at sex with you or not. In other words, a guy might meet a gal whom he finds very attractive and sweet. They have long talks and enjoy each other’s company immensely. But of course, although she seems really great – the question lingers in his mind; are they sexually compatible. So he pushes her on a date in a private location, and this sweet young gal is just kind of unspectacular in the back seat. She doesn’t seem to enjoy the experience, and is hesitant to engage him again on a future date. Game over. Continue reading Sexual Compatibility – Take a Test Drive? Part I→
Have you been to the doctor for a procedure? Do you appreciate the way they will describe what you are about to go through? They might say something along the lines of, “You are going to feel some pretty uncomfortable pressure, and then a pin prick – then the pressure should become more bearable.”
I’ve always appreciated that – it gives me a target to shoot for in my endurance of the pain. Awareness of what is happening can really help. So here are some awareness issues that should help you deal with the feeling of love. Continue reading Handling the Feeling of Love, Part 2→
Relationship skills are critically needed – good relationships don’t just happen magically. I’ve known a lot of people who were successful by the world’s standards – good jobs, lots of money, and high social status. It has been amazing how many of these folks are miserable because their primary love relationship was faltering or had failed.
But consider this; my youngest daughter recently received her drivers permit. To do so, she had to study the drivers manual for our state and learn the rules of the road, highway signs, regulations, and emergency procedures. Then she took numerous practice tests online. I took her to the DMV for an eye test and a comprehensive knowledge test.
Now, if she wants to get a license and drive by herself, she must get at least 50 hours of training behind the wheel or complete an approved driver’s education course. Driving a car isn’t that complex – but it has serious consequences when done wrong; thus training is required. Continue reading Relationship Skills – Learn Them→
The romantic man – idolized in the film genre known as chick flicks.
I have a confession to make – I am a man and I watch chick flicks. Please don’t tell my manly guy friends.
Here’s the deal. I have a wonderful wife whom I just adore. I also have 3 daughters that I also love and they enjoy watching romantic movies. Over the years I have come to appreciate the film genre known as “chick flicks.”
As a romantically minded man who is involved in helping relationships thrive I watch these movies; but not just for the enjoyment of the film itself. I analyze them. As one definition describes this type of film, they mainly “deal with love and romance and are primarily targeted to a female audience.” That is exactly why I watch them; they have been a huge money maker for movie producers because they appeal strongly to something in the heart of the typical lady. So as I watch these romantic plots unfold, I try to discern exactly what it is about the romantic man in the stories that women find so appealing. As my wife and daughter sit beside me with dreamy tear-filled eyes, I am taking notes.
Pornography is now commonplace. It has become surprisingly accepted in our society. The question is, is it a harmless distraction as its proponents claim, or is there a reason to be concerned about the impact of pornography?
Recently a 13 year old girl fell to her death in London. Her young boyfriend, having seen some pretty wild sex on the internet, pressured her to perform what he had seen and secretly filmed her. When she found out about the video, she begged him to delete the video, threatening to jump out of a window if he did not. She slipped as she demonstratively leaned out the window and did fall to her death. 13 years old and pressured to perform something from internet pornography? ( See full story here )
The relational impact of porn is not restricted to the dating years. In working with married couples in trouble I have heard of more than one instance in which the husband was so overstimulated by the wild images of sex on the internet that he could no longer get excited enough around a real person to actually have sex with his wife!
At what age should I date? If you are young and want to date, your answer would probably be “at my age!” But to be absolutely honest with you, your answer will likely change once you get past age 20 or so and you learn a little more about the opposite sex and the nature of relationships than you do now.
I was talking with a beautiful young married couple recently. The husband talked about how his parents, while not expressly forbidding dating when he was a teenager, did not encourage them to date at all. The wife’s parents, on the other hand, encouraged her to date even when she was relatively young.
Looking back on her experience, with what the wife understands now about maturity and sexuality, her comment was, “What in the world were my parents thinking?”
Did she object at the time to being encouraged to date while young? Of course not! It looks fun, it provides a sense of romantic adventure and besides, a lot of her friends were doing it.